A letter to David Cameron
Posted: April 11, 2011 Filed under: Funny, Government Leave a commentThis letter arrived in my maibox this morning, I must say as spam mail and nutcase hair-brained idea’s go…… this is actually pretty good!
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Dear Mr Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK ‘s economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money
on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1
million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire – ten million job openings – unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered – car Industry
fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – housing crisis
fixed
4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university – Crime
rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week…..and there’s your
money back in duty/tax etc
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that
makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy b***ards to reduce
their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
It can’t get any easier than
that!
And if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard.
Grumpies of the World
Unite…
What does todays kid’s TV really teach us?
Posted: January 2, 2011 Filed under: Do something Now is good, Funny, Government, Interesting | Tags: a-team, bob the builder, childrens tv, fireman sam, handy manny, kids tv, ozo, peppa pig Leave a commentI’ve been watching a lot of children’s TV of late. Not because I am mental or anything but because I have been off work for the past two weeks and it seems to be the main theme of the family TV these days, what with having a tandrum loving 2&1/2 year old in the house.
What I have noticed though, is a difference between the TV I watched as a kid and the TV of today, the shows we watched as a kid taught us some great life lessons. Super-Ted taught us to cross the road, Fireman Sam taught us how to call the fire brigade and not waste their time, hell even the A-Team taught us you don’t have to kill people to do the right thing.
Let’s have a look at some of my Daughters favorite show’s and what I’m learning from them.
Peppa Pig – All Dads are idiots, deal with it. (To be fair, this is probably quite right)
Bob the Builder – It doesn’t matter how many times you lie or cock things up, you will never be fired. It also teaches us that there is enough business in a small town for a team of builders to live off, which is clearly not correct.
Postman Pat – I don’t know where to start with the new version of Postman Pat but if it took a postman a full day and the use of a helicopter, 3 vans and a motorbike, not to mention the help of practically everyone in the village to deliver just one parcel The Royal Mail would have went bankrupt years ago (wait a minute) In short, Postman Pat teaches us that every Government employee is wasteful with resources and incompetent (spot on then really).
Special Agent Ozo – This guy really is Special. Certainly no James Bond, Ozo is the sort of MI5 agent that would leave his laptop on the train. Another example of Government employee’s being incompetent.
Handy Manny – It’s the show’s that are loosely about someone who runs his (or her) own business that annoy me the most. Handy Manny is the mexican version of Bob the Builder I suppose but how Handy Manny expects his business to last more than a year when he spends his days doing favors for friends is beyond me, and why he has a shop when he spends 95% of his time ‘in the field’ is another mystery.
In short, all these shows are teaching our Children that is quite all right to be a complete moron in life.
Wine connoisseurs, coffee snobs and tea?
Posted: September 3, 2010 Filed under: Belfast, Business, Funny, Government, Interesting, OpenCoffee, Personal posts | Tags: coffee connoisseurs, opencoffee belfast, opencoffee derry, opencoffee lisburn, the future is tea, wine connoisseurs 5 Comments
10 years ago, it was acceptible in cities to meet up with friends and colleagues and bang the world to rights over a glass (or bottle) of wine over lunch then head back to work so finish the days work. That has changes somewhat in recent years with the Governement branding anyone who dare even think about a glass of wine an alcoholic or binge drinker. Culture has become that it is, now unacceptabile to have an afternoon tiple during work.
So what happened to all the wine connoisseurs? you know the type…… your probably used to be one, the so called wine expert that always knew everything about wine but actually just picked a bottle because it had a nice label.
The wine connoisseur quickly became a coffee snob. Lunch time’s became filled with conversations like. What beans are you using now? Have you tried….? I keep mine in the fridge, I get mine imported from colombia. I’m guilty of it myself but there it is.
Now however the coffee effects are beginning to be questioned by so called experts, telling us things like the caffeine will kill us all, blah blah blah. I predict that in 15 years time, we are a society will have moved on from coffee but (and there is always a but) we still need something to impress and bore our mates with.
The future is Tea. Herbals tea, normal tea, what you use your own leaves? I’m impressed tea!
It’s a theory, not a great one but a theory none the less, give it 15 years and you will see!
I’ve decided to become an ‘early adopter’ of the tea fad so when it really kicks it, I will be the man to have around at lunch time and in true Gerry Maguire style I stand and ask ‘Who is going with me?’
Can a change of fuel make that much of a difference ?
Posted: July 2, 2010 Filed under: Business, car business, Do something Now is good, Funny, Interesting, vRS | Tags: bp, derv, diesel, fuel moira, fuel ni, glenavy road bp, moira maxol, northern ireland fuel, petrol 1 Comment
You might remember at the beginning of the year I had all that trouble with my trusty vRS.
Well it is all beginning to worry me slightly, not about the car but about the fuel I was putting into it (and the car a bit too). You see around 3 weeks before Skodagate, my company changed my fuel suppliers from Maxol Ireland to Direct Fuels UK. Direct Fuels do not have any actual stations however are more of a network of affiliated garages.
I had been using Maxol in Moira ever since I bought the vRS but as Maxol was not on the Direct Fuels approved list, I switched to the BP garage on the Glenavy Road, just off the Moira road roundabout. 3 weeks later my car was getting pulled into the garage for a major overhaul of broken parts. At the time I was asked had I put any dodgy fuel into the car, I told them I used BP and they (Skoda) seemed to accept that and rulled a fuel issue out of the equation. Read the rest of this entry »
Coca Cola vs BP
Posted: June 17, 2010 Filed under: Do something Now is good, Funny, Interesting | Tags: bp, coca cola, gulf Leave a commentJust saying…..
Dont believe everything you read on the Internet – It was not my Birthday yesterday.
Posted: May 5, 2010 Filed under: Do something Now is good, events, Funny, Interesting, Internet, Personal posts | Tags: dublin, facebook, May the 5th be with you, online birthday, personal 1 Comment
Congratulations! Your e-mail address was pre-selected and entered into the Nigerian lottery and guess what you won ! 500,000,000.
I must be the richest sob in the world, except I have never seen the money. I have though been getting these emails since 1994 when I first joined the world wide interweb, or compuserve as it was back then.(the ISP that is).
At the age of 14 something was clear to me. My details online in the wrong hands were dangerous so since then I have never given a web site my date of birth or home address with the expection of eBay or play.com when I need something delivered but they never get my date of birth, sometimes they are lucky if they even get my real name.
So in 2007 when I signed up for facebook the same thing went. DOB 5th May, I always keep my online birthday the same so it’s easy to remember. Read the rest of this entry »
Easyjet have only gone and cancelled me flight !
Posted: March 2, 2010 Filed under: Business, Funny, Interesting | Tags: canceled flights rights, easyjet, edinburgh, london, michael o'leary, ryanair, what do i do when my flight is canceled 3 Comments
As far as low cost airlines go I have always been of the opinion that Easyjet were hard to beat. A good no frills service that does what it says on the tin with no added charges for credit cards, boarding passes etc (Ryanair !) Further to this apart from the odd delay here and there, I have never really had a major issue with them.
Until this weekend that is.
On Friday evening, we flew Belfast > Edinburgh for a race from Edinburgh Castle to Buckingham Palace, the flight was delayed for 2 hours due to ‘having no crew’ which was no big deal really as we still got there on time.
The issue came on Sunday morning when we were due to go home from Gatwick > Belfast, Final call was called and we rushed around to the boarding area only to be told to go back to security then we were told to go back to the boarding area then we were told to get boarding passes ready and finally we were told that the flight was canceled but to ‘now crew’ and a sheet with our rights was handed out. Read the rest of this entry »
A Nation revolts and online is the medium they are using !
Posted: November 20, 2009 Filed under: Business, Do something Now is good, events, Funny, Government, Interesting, Internet, Social Networking, Web 2.0 | Tags: facebook, fifa, Ireland, online, Social Media 3 Comments
I won’t get into the detail about Wednesday nights football match against France and the handball incident. The truth is I don’t really care much about football although it would be nice to see our Irish neighbours have a bit of luck for a change.
I can see their point though, clearly rules were broken and clearly this should not be allowed to happen.
What has happened since this however is truly amazing, in true Irish style the nation is revolting but this time rather than use traditional methods they are using online forums such as Facebook to gather momentum on their war against the French.
A Facebook Fan page was set up just hours after the event entitled
Petition to have IRELAND Vs FRANCE REPLAYED!!!
and in no more than 48 hours they have received over 201,000 fans, thats over 5,000 new fans an hour, over 52,000 people have clicked the ‘like’ button on posts from the fan page creator and over 6,000 comments have been left………… some going !
The page is now being used to rally support for protests outside the embassy and users are calling for a boycott of all french goods. One user has said ‘I’ll not be buying any baguette for a while, that’s for sure’ Many of the comments cannot be repeated !
As Facebook grows in users both in Ireland and globally people need to wake up to the power things like fan pages have, whilst the petition is not an offical one there is no way Fifa can ignore this…. Can they ?
Ikea to take over General Motors
Posted: August 10, 2009 Filed under: Business, car business, Funny, Interesting | Tags: GM, I found this on the internet so I, Ikea, Interesting Leave a commentEnough said.
New Irn Bru Advertisment
Posted: May 7, 2009 Filed under: Business, Funny, Interesting, Internet | Tags: advertisments, Business, i found this on the internet so i did, i found this on youtube, ir bru, iru bru ad, Recession, scotland, uk 1 CommentYou have just got to love this Irn Bru take on high school musical.
Russell McQuillan 